Secularism! Feminism! Ism-isms!

Caught wind of this radio interview (yeah, there's such a thing as Vatican Radio, who knew?) with CRS board chair Bishop Gerald F. Kicanas of Tuscon. CRS (Catholic Relief Services) is one of the three Catholic non-profits my office represents. The interview itself is probably boring for those outside of Catholicism, but there are a few challenging bits that are sticking to my brain, as it were.

In the interview, the bishop opens the following insight:

"Despite the rise of secularism, I think every human being is going to ask the basic questions, ‘who am I, where am I going and what is the best way to live my life?' So it’s important for the Church to find ways to address those questions."

I totally dig this because it has my name written all over it! Or, more accurately, this is why I am who I am--everything from why this blog exists, to why I studied spirituality and why I do the satisfying work that I do. These questions are secular questions, they are spiritual questions, they are human questions. Being--the very fact of existence and consciousness of that existence--begs these questions, and I imagine it would be a rough go searching for a human being that hasn't in some way or other asked these questions, and come up with some sort of matrix of understanding using the interpreted answers to them. This by no means indicates a like-mindedness of all people--quite the opposite. It is in asking these questions and attempting to formulate answers and create meaning in our lives that there are such varying opinions and beliefs and values among us humans. I wonder that any two humans have ever truly come up with identical responses to the question of being.

So, that's my shtick and all on that.

There is also a definite challenge to me in the bishop's words as well. His basic message in the interview pushes the importance of justice and charity, their interconnectedness to each other and their impulsion toward action. Bishop Kicanas speaks about this within the framework of Catholic Social Teaching, saying,

Sadly I think for some people there is this tension between pro-life and pro-justice but for a true believer in the Lord there is no such distinction…so a pro-immigration Catholic has to be concerned about the unborn and a person who is concerned for the unborn has to [be] concerned about people on the margins who are living less than decent lives.

I mention this because it hit me pretty hard. Am I just a buffet-style Catholic, with black and white thinking, erring on the side of justice and failing on the side of life? That is a thorny question. My mind goes to a few different places with it.

For one thing, consider the source: this is coming from a white male who has been promoted within a patriarchal hierarchy to bishop, he's most likely "celibate" (I use that term loosely), and presumably has little to no experience with the female body or even his own sexuality. So, when it comes to the pro-life debate, I am inclined to poo-poo whatever it is this man is telling me. What does he know?

For another thing, Catholic Social Teaching on the dignity of the human person includes all of life--from birth (or pre-birth) to death--and I stand staunchly against the death penalty. If I am going to be honest here, I don't really want to get into the abortion debate. I see the real problem as being unwanted pregnancies--never mind where life begins and if it's a fetus or a baby and all of that business.

These are initial thoughts and I am still wrestling with the questions ... especially on whether a pro-immigration Catholic really does have to be concerned about the unborn? I mean, yes, of course I am concerned about the unborn--that manifests itself in what I see as the greater pandemic of unnecessary pregnancies (especially in America) that occur against the landscape of a misogynist, male-dominated culture that controls so many aspects of female power, including but not limited to money, body, esteem, sex, gender, etc. Sigh.

I've thunk myself into a pondering puddle of ambiguous grey ... again. Regardless, I can be grateful that these questions continue to form me, and that I remain engaged in the matter of being, whether that results in insight (at best) or despair (at worst) or just a toss up. I'll end here with a deferral to Albert Einstein-the-great's bit of wisdom to tie this all together:

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

Thanks Al.

I Got Somethin' To Say

And no, it's not simply that I love the Misfits. But I do love the Misfits.

It's a New Year and I find myself reflecting on the past year with disastrous abandon--really, somebody stop me! The minutes before sleep are filled with flip-chart memories as I click through 2011: the highs, the lows, the achievements and disappointments. Something that occurs to me is how necessary this process of mulling over myself must be, since it's been lasting nearly two weeks and refuses to budge much. Honestly, I'm kind of suffocating beneath the weight of it all. As is evident from this blog, I am always seeking meaning in experience--why did this happen, what for, who am I becoming, who am I, so what life, universe, everything? So what?!?

So, what I've decided to do is simply wait. I sit and stew in the indulgent horror of my own thoughts--dangerous narcissism; near-psychotic over-thinking of life's dumb details; deep deep joy and satisfaction coupled with the unbearable restlessness of being. Sigh. St. Ignatius of Loyola has some really great advice that I've carried with me and shared and used as appropriate (which is frequently!): Iggy says that one ought not make sweeping changes/decisions/life-moves when she is experiencing desolation. According to St. Ignatius, desolation is the

darkness of the soul, turmoil of the mind, inclination to low and earthly things, restlessness resulting from many disturbances and temptations which lead to loss of faith, loss of hope, and loss of love. It is also desolation when a soul finds itself completely apathetic, tepid, sad, and separated as it were, from its Creator and Lord (Spiritual Exercises).

Image taken from buzzfeed.com.



I love Ignatius' use of the word tepid--what's more mundane than a glass of room temperature life? Not really half-full or half-empty, just totally boring. Totally bleh. Although, I will say I'm not in the grips of bleh-dom as I have experienced depression in the past, but rather am feeling like I'm on some chaotic hamster wheel, churning over and over all the moments that comprise a year, sifting through the dirt for some bit of golden meaning.

Speaking of dirt, the following ancient Chinese saying is another helpful spiritual insight,

Do you have the patience to wait for your mud to settle; unmoving until your waters clear, and an impulse gradually leads to life? (from the Tau Te Ching, by Lau-tzu)

Essentially, what St. Ignatius is talking about is this impulse towards life, or what he calls consolation. Unlike the notion of a "consolation prize" from contemporary-speak, Ignatian consolation is deep and true contentment, "interior joy," peace. Sounds rad, right? One way to approach consolation, according to the saint, is to notice the pieces of life that are life-giving, and those that are life-draining. (Checkout the Examen for lots more on this). I think that in some subconscious and drive-me-crazy sort of way, that's exactly what all my mulling over myself is about. What in 2011 gave me life, inspired me, brought me joy? What in 2011 bred sadness, disappointment, despair? Sift it out, then purge the junk. An effective keep-toss of the year in review. I'm keeping my awesome job, loving family, amazing friends, healthy habits. I'm tossing my need to control things, quantify success, make things work, have unfair expectations. Shit, maybe I'll  just toss all my expectations but for to expect that I deserve love and joy. And some consolation baby, yeah. (Still waiting).

thanks, new (dream) job

Having struggled in the muck of a mediocre job placement with a quite toxic and deprecating environment for nearly a year, I finally discovered a heaven-sent employment move. Hello, I am the newest member of the Missions Office for the Archdiocese of Seattle. While it is strange to be working for the pope (hierarchically speaking), and for the Catholic Church directly, I am crazy happy right now. The Missions Office does some amazing work, including such biblical directives as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and loving (in appropriate fashion) on the poor. (See Matthew 25)  The work is so fulfilling that there is no amount of administrative strife to ever match the joy and satisfaction I feel. Well, not so far at least. More to come on that I suppose.

I am grateful for my formative years of being a dummy kiddo, collegiate alcoholic, existential crisis-ed mini-adult, and now, a floundering grown-up. My life is so shaped and filled by all the luck and love of existence--thank you thank you! To the universe, family, friends, mentors, lovers, enemies, cats, failures, triumphs, and of course, to you dear--thank you for this one wild and precious life.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen